Just 1 more second, Mommy

Our oldest monster is quite the handful.  He is over emotional and dramatic and wild and exhausting.  He has trouble acclimating both when we go places and when we leave.  He screams death shrills at the slightest hint of any privilege being removed.  It is not a matter of being 4 or 3 or 2, it is simply Noah's passionate personality.  Most times this can drive me crazy.

But just as quickly as he can lose his mind, he can flip his behavior into the world's most loving, caring, and compassionate little boy.  He tells me a million times throughout the day that he loves me so much.  He randomly tells me "you're the best mommy in the whole wide world" for no reason.  He begs for kisses and hugs constantly.  He wants to snuggle 24 hours a day.

Yesterday when we were in the car on the way home from a picnic he said out of the blue "Mommy, were you soooo sad when you didn't have me in your life?" Both Paul and I were caught off guard by this comment.  We smiled, because of course he can't imagine life before him.  I said "Well, Noah, I didn't know you then, so I couldn't miss you, but now I would be sooo sad if I didn't know you"  He topped off last night with "Mommy, please don't die ever, because I need you forever."

Today was a particularly challenging day.  He was all fired up for no reason.  We made it through alive and as I laid with him before bed we chatted as usual.  He snuggled up next to me and held a giraffe in one arm and dumpy (he loves it AJ!) in the other.  I laid there for a minute praying for the wild man next to me and he said "Mommy, please put your arms around me and hold me forever."  After a while he drifted off, I kissed him on the cheek and went to leave.  He turned over, very groggy, and said "Mommy, hold me just one more second?"

I always talk about how sad I will be when the kids grow up.  I am so worried about kindergarten next year that I get sick about it.  But it's not really about the growing up part as much as it is about knowing that I will not lay in his bed forever and hold him because quite frankly teenage and grown boys aren't (I don't think!) interested in their mommy's laying in bed with them and snuggling.  I love every night of this and I love every second he wants me to be there... 

I love you wild man Noah!