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So, this is really really really long... hope you have a cup of coffee and 10 minutes! Sorry for the lack of pictures... we are at the hospital and though it is awesome that the tv's have computers built in, our cameras won't hook up to them. Soon enough.....
I'd like to write all of this down before I forget pieces of it, so here goes!
We'd been in and out of triage multiple times in the past five weeks for leaking, contractions, dilation, and on and on. I was so sick of going in to be checked and waiting hours to be told you aren't in labor (which I always already knew!). I had expressed this to my doctor and she kept telling me that it was all necessary because we were still so early. I obeyed and went in when she told me to. At one appointment she gave me an at home test kit for amniotic fluid in case I wanted to check at home and not go in.
As you recall, at my 36 week appointment the doctor said my water could break at any moment. Well, Thursday night I was writing thank you cards and I started to feel leaky. I couldn't decide if I was imagining it because of what the doctor said or if it was real. I saw some wetness in my pants but it didn't continue. I went about my night. Friday morning I felt the same way and I couldn't shake it. Paul had decided to work at home for a few days just to keep a close eye on me. Well, before my shower, I decided to get out the kit to ease my mind. The box said if the strip turned from yellow to blue it was amniotic fluid. No color change meant no amniotic fluid. I just put a little of the liquid on it and it was immediately blue. I showed Paul and told him I was going to take a shower because I wasn't convinced. After I got out of the shower it was still blue and so I started to get dressed. I decided to test again and the whole strip turned blue instantly. I started to get excited, sent out some emails and started to pack last minute things. I called a friend to watch Noah and told Paul to get in the shower. But I happened to glance at the test again and it was yellow....hmmmmm. I opened the package and read the inside more closely to see if I missed something. In the very fine print it said that the blue was a pH indicator and if the test turned back to yellow it could represent a false positive. So, I decided I had imagined it all and canned the idea of going to the hospital. I played with Noah in the yard for a while and had some coffee. I had called the doctor initially but never got a call back and I thought I would wait for that as well.
About an hour went by and a friend of mine suggested that I call again just to talk about the test. I did that and my nurse got on the phone wondering why I wasn't at the hospital yet. I told her what had happened and she instructed me to go in anyway. I resisted saying I didn't want to be sent home again. She pushed and I agreed.
We headed in around noon and went through the entire process again. Ugh. We had the nicest triage nurse ever and she was so friendly and helpful. I was convinced it was all in my head and we shouldn't be at the hospital. She took the specimen she needed and went to do the tests. A few minutes later she came back and said "What do you think about June 19th or 20th for a birthday?" I was so excited and relieved!!!
We headed upstairs and were given a room pretty quickly. It was a bit overwhelming to be back in labor and delivery again. The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural and I told her I didn't want one unless I had to have pitocin. She looked at me and said, you will have to have pitocin and it should be pretty aggressive because you ruptured at 10pm Thursday. Ugh. I decided to try it anyway without drugs and see what happened. I am surrounded by all of these superwomen friends who birth babies naturally and I just wanted to know what it felt like.
First they had to hook me up to an IV for antibiotics. Because I was 36 weeks my Group B strep test had not come back yet and they had to treat me as though I had failed it. I had to wait through four hours of IV Penicillin. After that was over, I asked if I could walk around and go to the bathroom. The nurse said in my condition it wasn't allowed because the umbilical cord could choke the baby and I wouldn't know it because I wasn't on a monitor. Bed pans and sedentary labor.
They started pitocin and I could feel the contractions. They didn't hurt but I knew they were there. By this time it was about 5:30. I continued to do fine on the pitocin and felt good about the process. They kept increasing it because I wasn't dilating anymore and I still did fine. At about 10:30 the nurse said that they could no longer increase the dosage in this form. They had to move to a more aggressive routine which involved putting a contraction monitor in the cervix. As soon as they did this and started the next level of pitocin the contractions became horrid. I was writhing in pain and miserable. I still tried to push through them, believing I could do it. After another hour of this the doctor checked me and I was still 4 cm. No change. They continued to increase the pitocin until I couldn't bear it anymore. There was virtually no break in the contractions and I was beyond exhausted. I had been hooked up to these IV's for about 9-10 hours and I was exhausted.
I finally broke down and asked for the epidural. I sobbed through it, looking at Paul and crying about how I had given up and that I wasn't strong enough. I just knew I wouldn't have the stamina to keep going for a long period of time, especially since we were at 4cm. I got about 20-30 minutes relief from the local anesthesia but quickly realized that something wasn't right. I still had feeling on my right side and in my lower back. It was incredibly bad. The contractions got worse and worse and my pain was awful and lopsided. At about 3-4 AM the anesthesiologist finally came back and decided that the valve had backfired and wasn't going where it needed to go. He had to take it out and start all over again. Surprisingly it didn't hurt going in the second time and I felt immediate relief. It has been about 12 hours at this point and I was losing my mind. I was able to fall asleep for about an hour and regain a lot of strength.
When I woke up I was ready to go and the nurse checked me but I was still only 5 cm. I was so disappointed and upset. The doctor came and talked to me. Basically, we were over our 24 hour mark, but I was on IV antibiotics so that was buying us some time. In addition, the baby looked great on the monitor and they weren't really concerned about her. It was about 4:30am and the doctor said he would give me until about 6am to progress and then at that point he would have to consider a C-section. If they had no evidence that I would progress they couldn't keep going.
I was so scared and so determined that I didn't want a C-section but I didn't have a choice. I rolled over on my side and the tears flowed again. It had already been an incredibly long day and night and it didn't look like the baby would cooperate. While I was laying on my side I started to feel some pressure and I told the nurse. She checked me again and I was still only 5 cm. But the pressure got worse and worse and I felt like I had to keep my legs completely shut to stop the pressure.
I begged her to check me again and she did. In about 5 minutes I had gone to 7cm. It kept getting worse and worse and I could feel it very very intensely. I was trying so hard not to move or push or do anything. 10 minutes later the nurse checked me and I was 10 cm, ready to go. It was about 5:15 AM. I couldn't believe it. The doctor raced in the room and the nurse set everything up. I was allowed to push at about 5:30-5:45. Two to three contractions later and crazy pain and pressure and fear later, she was out! 5:57AM. Three minutes before eviction.
She was beautiful and perfect. I got to hold her for a while. When they finally took her to clean her up, she weighed in at 6lbs 10 oz which is the EXACT prediction the doctor had when I first laid down in bed. She was 20.5 inches and had a lot of dark brown hair and blue eyes. It seemed like it took forever to bring her back to me. When I finally got to hold her I was sooooo excited and happy.
She latched on immediately and nursed for about 45 minutes when the nurse said she needed to check her again. She was grunting a lot and Paul noticed her nostrils were flaring. They hooked her up to the oxygen machine and she had a low oxygen saturation in her blood. They gave her some quick oxygen but as soon as they took it away her numbers would dip again. Several pediatric doctors came in and they agreed she needed to be admitted to the NICU. I was full of tears again, for the millionth time in the last 30 hours. They carted her off away from me and I just had to watch.
We were then wheeled off to a regular postpartum room without her. We weren't allowed to go and see her for about an hour and I wasn't allowed to walk for a few hours. I literally just collapsed in bed and entered lala land.
An hour later I woke up and headed to see her in a wheel chair. It was very reassuring. She is soooo much bigger than the other babies in the NICU (most of whom are 3-4 lbs) and looked very healthy. She is now on a CPAP which is a continuous air machine that is pumping air into her lungs. As it turns out, all babies are born with fluid in their lungs and they have to get it out in order to fill their lungs with air. She wasn't mature enough to do that and they have to help her until she can do it on her own. As the day progressed she has lowered her dependence on oxygen significantly and is now on minimal oxygen. The poor little thing has tubes and monitors everywhere. We cannot hold her or feed her. She has a tiny IV in her foot that is giving her some nutrients. She is on more IV antibiotics to ward off any infection that might form in her lungs during this transition time. She has to have at least 48 hours of this which will keep her in the NICU through Monday morning (which is when I will be released.). If they find any infection anywhere she will have to stay for 7 days in the NICU. I will be released.
So, that's the story. It is so weird to be in my room without her. We keep praying for her and know that God has it all under control. Remember, Maeve is a warrior princess. When I gaze at her I smile when I think about that. Amazing how our names carry so much more weight than we can ever imagine. I know that she will be fine and I know it is just a waiting time until I can hold her again. Until then I know God is holding her tightly for me.
Thanks so much for all of your wishes of love and support. We feel surrounded by your care and thoughts.... and we can't wait for you to meet our new little bundle of joy!!!!!!
and also in september
2 months ago
