How did I end up here again?

Well, in case you haven't heard, I'm on the fritz.

Last Wednesday I was just walking down the hallway with some kids at church and my leg gave out. Now, mind you, my knee has given out on various occasions and within 15 minutes I am up and running again. After I fell, I waited and waited and I still couldn't stand. I had to be carried home and carried into my house.

When I was 15 and 16 I tore both my right and left ACL's in my knees. This is the ligament that holds the top of your leg to the bottom of your leg. I went through two awful surgeries and rehabs and I was told that my knees would be 100 times stronger than a normal knee.

WRONG.

So, I had an MRI, Xrays and exams done. Turns out my ACL has been torn in my L leg for quite some time, which is why my knee has been giving out. This time when it gave out it also caused a shoe horn tear in my meniscus which folded over into the general knee area, thus rendering me unable to walk. Further study found that the old hardware (aka screws) from previous surgeries were dislodged in the bone and would need to be removed. YIPPPEEEEEE!!!!!

So, I am on crutches and in a wheel chair. I cannot stand, straighten my leg, put pressure on it, or basically do anything. Going to the bathroom takes forever.

I'm trying my best to be positive and to thank God that it is something completely mendable, but it is so hard to not be able to take care of my kids. I cannot carry anything at all, so I cannot carry Maeve or pick her up unless I am sitting down. I can't pick Noah up and take him to bed. I basically cannot be home with my kids alone. I can't clean my house which drives me absolutely nuts. Everything is just so hard.

To top it all off, Maeve has thrush again. Her mouth is covered in sores completely, even on to her lips. She struggles through every feeding. She is relatively happy when she isn't eating, but she still eats every 3-4 hours during the day.

So, there is no set date for surgery. The surgeon I saw on Tuesday can't operate until mid January. I'm looking for more options. I'll keep you posted.