Yum

Tonight for dinner we had a white bean, sausage and ground turkey stew with kale, red pepper, onion, and sage. Needless to say it was amazing. Tuesday night we had Pork Chops topped with Julienne Carrots, white grapes, and a balsamic reduction, garlic mashed potatoes, broccoli, and homemade muffins with the centers carved out, filled with homemade cream and topped with strawberries. Last week we had homemade chicken parmesan which was AWESOME. For New Year's we had a turkey chili recipe that was phenomenal (and i don't even like chili!). We even had this awesome meal from Wegman's with pasta and a white sauce and peas.

I can't tell you how grateful we are for the generosity of our community.

It is humbling at best and embarrassing at worst.

If you know me, you know that I like to do it all and take care of it all and take care of everyone around me. We have been blessed by this generosity three times in the past 12 months (when I was on bedrest, when I had Maeve, and now that I have had this surgery) and I continue to be amazed at how giving and loving the people around us are. So far this time we have received 30 meals. Really?

My mom has been watching the kids two days a week, our friends have been in and out constantly, Noah's friends have taken him to Chuck E Cheese, Boomers, to their homes, anywhere they can.

How did we become so blessed?

All I can do is attribute it to God's glory and grace.

Because, you know what, this is really, really hard. I can't get a cup of coffee. I can't take my baby to her crib. I can't go to the store. I pretty much can't be alone. Paul is literally working every waking moment and balancing his job, the kids, the house, the bills, grocery shopping, you name it!

I start to feel guilty sometimes, because I am alive and well and I will get better. I don't have cancer, I will walk again soon, and so often it feels as though I am not deserving of such an outpouring.

When I'm bummed out I listen to Joyce Meyer. It cracks me up to think that I love a televangelist, but I really do. She says so many things that resonate with my life and my journey. So last night, I went to her website and listened to the sermon on frustration and I just wept with confrontation.

She said that a Christian should not be frustrated. A Christian should not ask God to remove difficult things from their lives. Instead, a Christian should seek to find the joy in every day because God put you there for a reason and if God wanted you somewhere else, God would have put you there. Frustration is the reminder that you don't trust that God has it under control. And as I posted on facebook last night, she said:

"You know what your idea of a miracle is? all of your problems disappear and there is nothing to worry about. you know what god's idea of a miracle is? none of it bothers you anymore."

So, this morning, when Noah had a 45 minute tantrum about shampoo and Maeve was screaming her brains out as a repercussion of shots yesterday, I tried my best to smile. There is absolutely no part of me that wants my family to go away, or my friends to stop checking in, or my life to change. Sure, I'd like to walk. And I will. In the meantime, I'll thoroughly enjoy my sausage and kale stew.