Tell Me About It

One of my friends posted this on Facebook. It was so dead on that I wanted to keep it so I posted it here so I could log it. It's a little angrier than I feel, but the time quotient is correct! I often feel like I can't take the time to call folks or respond in the way that I should, but frankly, I'm exhausted!!!! I don't feel judged by my friends and family for not doing anything, but I certainly get the guilt about not calling or writing more.

And, I used to think stay at home mom's did nothing. In fact, I clearly remember marveling that one SAHM did not have her baseboard painted 2 years after moving into her home. (this was before I had children). And I swore I'd have a child who colored in public and listened to my every word. Instead, I traded that for children who are wildly loving and incredibly emotional and creative and intoxicating. Pretty good trade if you ask me!

So, if you know a mother, tell her she's doing a damn good job.


From the Washington Post
TELL ME ABOUT IT ®


By Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?


I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head about your lack of mothering ability.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

Las Vegas 2010- Happy Anniversary!

 

When we got married five years ago we joked about flying away to Vegas and eloping.  Elvis' Wise Men Say Only Fools Rush In was our wedding song and our story as well.  We thought being married by Elvis would be awesome!  But I was also serving a church as a pastor and we obviously believed that being married in the church was very important as well.  We promised that for our five year anniversary that we would get married by Elvis.

 

We stayed in the Hotel Paris. I've never been to Vegas and so I didn't really understand how it all worked. Paris was a huge hotel set up to look and feel like Paris, complete with HUGE Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe. The inside looked like Paris streets, there were creperies and Cafe's and everything looked French. It was so neat to see all of this! Each hotel had a different theme and was done up so amazingly in that way. MGM had a lion habitat, Mandalay Bay had a shark environment, Circus Circus had a theme park, the Venetian had gondola rides through the shopping area. It was really fun to see the different hotels!

Our first day we just walked up and down the strip and looked at things. We came back to our hotel and found a little place called Napoleon's and it was a Piano Bar with Dueling Pianos. We settled in and stayed until they closed... it was so much fun! They played the likes of Metallica and Katy Perry on the piano! We liked it so much we ended up coming there every night.

The second morning we agreed to sit through a time share presentation in order for some free gifts.  It was long and tedious and our salesperson was AWFUL but we endured.  We walked away with a free helicopter ride and $75 gift certificate to the casino.

After that was our big wedding ceremony which was awesome and hilarious at the same time!  We were re-married at the Viva Las Vegas Chapel.

It was quite the experience!  There were two Elvises running around and a line of people on a bench getting married for real.  They would just call them in couple by couple, do a 5 minute rehearsal and a 5 minute wedding and the deal was done!  We bought a basic package which included Elvis singing our wedding song, doing the ceremony, flowers, some photos, a marriage certificate signed by Elvis and a copy of Elvis and Priscilla's wedding certificate! It was definitely a little hokey, but we really enjoyed it and could have fun because it wasn't our real wedding.

In our Elvis Glasses post wedding....

We enjoyed some time in the hotel that evening and then we had a wonderful Anniversary Meal at the Paris Eiffel Tower Restaurant which was 11 stories up the Eiffel Tower.  We sat right at the window and could watch the Bellagio hotel the entire time.  The Bellagio is known for its fountain shows and we had a perfect view.  It was a wonderful and special meal:

We took our helicopter ride after that meal which was pretty cheap, but well worth it. We got to fly over the whole strip at dusk and it was so cool!!!

We woke up really early Sunday morning and rented a car from the Hotel (all they had was a swanky cadillac with heated, cooler and massage seats!!!) and drove to the Hoover Dam and the West Rim of the Grand Canyon. I have never been out West and so the whole experience was fascinating to me with the different landscapes and mountains.

The Hoover Dam was very cool and HUGE! I had no idea...

We kept going about 2 hours through dirt roads, the desert, and fields of Joshua Trees to the Hulapai Indian Reservation where they opened a sky walk over the Grand Canyon in 2008. It is 4,000 feet over the canyon and full glass so you can see all the way to the bottom of the canyon. We got to see 2 different sections of the canyon, eat lunch overlooking the canyon, and do a short hike up a part of the canyon. It was absolutely breathtaking!!!!

The funny part about it was that the second part of the canyon that we went to was called Guano Point because there was a cave there that millions of bats lived in and in the early 1900's Native Americans built a cable car to get to the cave to mine the nitrogen and sell it. We felt right at home.

We headed back to Las Vegas with our chair massagers and just enjoyed the freedom of the day.

We were both completely spent and ate a quick dinner, packed, and fell asleep.

The next morning we woke up and headed to the airport... but the best part is that we bought the tickets with a generous gift of miles from Paul's dad and somehow, someway it was less miles to fly home first class than coach! We were SPOILED!!! it was so awesome to have someone filling your drink every 5 seconds and making you your choice of warm meals. I never knew!!!!

It was really the perfect getaway. We were so relaxed and happy. We love our children more than anything in the world, but when you are not needed every second of the day it is amazing to just take a deep breath and exhale. We remembered how fun and silly we used to be!!! And..we realized how old and tired we have become! It was fantastic!!!! We are so grateful to our friends and family who helped us with the kids and for all of the love and support we always get from those who love us!